Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
