Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
