this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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