I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
