Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
