Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
