alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
