I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
