Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
