i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
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Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize