im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
whose parrot is this?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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