the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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