Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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