theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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