FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
