she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
