I must be too annoying 4 u.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
