White coat. Heels.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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