He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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