Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
