And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
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