I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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