This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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