I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
