If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
