last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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