The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
