So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
