saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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