DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
