I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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