those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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