Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
