i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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