Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
