I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
