so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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