boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
