btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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