i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
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