hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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