I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.