either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays