You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.