I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.