We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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