if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
