I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
