She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
