i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
