You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
