the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
