Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
