God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
