I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just want nice things and good sex
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
