Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
