You made me cry and you don't even care
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
