I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
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The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Someone signed my nipple.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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