Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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