Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
