I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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