it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
