so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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