ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
