saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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