God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
