i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
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