I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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