everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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