I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
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WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
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And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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