come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
