I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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