my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize