I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
