i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
