After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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