so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
