i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
