My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
