so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
