I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
