i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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