I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
