Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
