so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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